So, I invested in e-harmony.  You know, where you spend $60 for a month of throwing yourself into an internet dating pool to see if you can find true love with a total stranger.  What could go wrong??

GOOD GOD.  The problem is they don’t have an option for “don’t fix me up with a douchebag”.  It started with the picture of the guy laid on his bed with his best craigslist face on.  Ummm…no.  Then there was the “Who is your hero” – “my sister cuz win I wuz in school a girl broke up with me and I wuz upset and she really made me feel better”.  Wow. Just…wow.  When I clicked the “No” box (as there wasn’t a ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME option), it gave a list of reasons to select why…so eharmony could better narrow my search.  Oddly enough “because he should be fucking literate” wasn’t one of the options.

Then there  was the guy who listed one of his favorite activities as “tanning”.   I don’t think I need to comment any further on that.

You get one page of information – with about 5 questions – that they get to answer…my last match – using e-harmony’s 29 qualifiers mentioned Corvette’s in 3 of his 5 questions…and his picture was him leaning against…well…you know….the question is…WHAT THE FUCK BOX DID I CHECK?!?

PS – one  potential – of the 5 things he can’t live without – one of them “Captain Crunch”.  Well played, funny guy, Well played.  You’re the only one I’ve saved so far.