I have been getting requests from some of my imaginary friends (read: people I don’t know on Twitter yet I consider them my friends because I am a loser with no social circle) asking me to explain exactly what a “non-boyfriend” is…so, I will briefly summarize without too many specifics…not that I think that the most recent non-boyfriend (errr…now: ex-non-boyfriend) actually reads this as he is not a frequent traveler of the Internet Superhighways, but I’ve started to realize that more people read this than Tara and Natalie (hi guys!!).
So, in vague terms – a non-boyfriend is a boy with whom you enjoy spending time with, who you may or may not be intimate with (thank you very much, Judge-y Judgerson!), but with whom you have a tacit understanding that things will not ever progress to a serious level. For any number of reasons-you aren’t at a place where you want a serious relationship, you have significantly different future plans, he isn’t really the type of person you’d actually ever consider dating yet he’s a lot of fun to hang out with…any of these are plausible reasons to make someone maintain non-boyfriend status vs. boyfriend status.
I have had 4 non-boyfriends…(ummm, again these may or may NOT have all been intimate, I’m not giving away the farm here…well…maybe I did, but I’m not TELLING YOU PERVS ABOUT IT – STOP ASKING ME)…all great guys, fun to hang out with, great to have around, but not boyfriend material – I should say – not MY boyfriend material. I’m sure they are perfect for someone that is NOT me. The last one just went awry somewhere along the way…I’m not quite sure where as the prior 3 I had NO attachment issues with but there I was at a Maroon 5 concert listening to a delightful cover of Chris Issac’s Wicked Games and I looked over and Whomp – smacked upside the head with “huh…I think I like this one”. So – I ended it. Via text. like any classy chick would. And have handled the entire situation totally fine since without any reprecussions or regret *cough cough*. Which is good – because he was an AWFUL fit for me. I mean…he was funny and cute and smart and a good time – but the bad stuff FAR outweighed the good stuff. I can’t even remember what that good list was…I’ve forgotten it already…hang on, let me re-read…oh yeah, funny or something. Whatever – what I was saying was – when all of your friends are saying “FUCKING RED FLAG” they know what they are talking about. And they are right. Which is totally for the best. And I mean – I don’t miss the going out all the time or anything. Hey…I have e-harmony, so that’s awesome.