My ultimate goal in life is not what you may think it is…yes, I want to go back to Europe. Yes, I want to move to a different house. Yes, I want to learn how to cook more than 5 items. Yes, I want kids. But my real hearts desire is to see the Oscar Mayer Weinermobile. I don’t know why. I don’t know where the obsession started. I mean…I love hot dogs – but who DOESN’T?!

The thing is…freekin EVERYONE has seen it but me!! I’ve had people take pictures of it and send it to me…not the same (thoughtful though – thanks!)…it is my albatross. It is the grape just out of reach. I don’t want to just Google it and go where it is either..that’s cheating. I want to just SEE it. IN ALL ITS GLORY!!

I just have a lot of questions about it. Here they are:
1. what’s it like inside – is it just a big kitchen thing where they make hot dogs…like a cart? Or is it set up for kids birthday parties? Or is it like pimped out with shag carpeting and couches and shit??
2. is there a weiner key chain to drive it?
3. Is driving the weiner mobile an Oscar Mayer honor or are you pissed about it? Is it like “shit…I have to drive the stupid dog wagon” or is there a big presentation in the Weiner Headquarters and everyone gathers together with nervous excitement and they say “OK…the next driver is….JIM!!!” and there is applause and ticker-tape and disappointment from everyone non-Jim???

THESE ARE THINGS I NEED TO KNOW, PEOPLE!!!

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